( i didn't write the next paragraph it's from new mooon , if you're reading twilight don't read this otherwise you'll be confused and like what the heck or it'll give something away and you'll be mad at me . it's from new moon page 375. it was written by stephanie meyers )in case you hadn't read the story edward left bella thinking he didn't love her jaccob is her best friend who loves her but she doesn't love him like that. She was heartbroken and hears his voice when she's doing something dangerous so she can't get edward from her mind but she loves Jacob too as a friend and he's really helped her through it all and she's thinking.
" I remember wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realized now that all I really wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this . It just felt nice- warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was a safe harbor. I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power. I'd have to tell him everything I knew that . It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to expain it right , so that'd he know I wasn't settling , that he was much too good for me. He already knew that I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even had to admit that I was crazy - explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision . But even as I recognized that necessity , I knew that he would take me in spite of it all .He wouldn't even pause to think it through. I would have to commit to this-commit as much of me as there was left-every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I? Would it be so wrong to try and make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more then a weak echo of what I was capable of , even if my heart was far away , wandering and greaving for after my fickle Romeo , would it be so very wrong?"
I want to point out something.
I think that's how so many people feel. Damaged goods. I just hope people know no matter how many times you've felt like this, no matter how many times you've messed up, God loves you so much he just wants you to confess to him and follow him . He doesn't want you to feel pain anymore. A reason I wanted to do this was to compare things ( THIS COMPARISON ISN'T HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE TWILIGHT BOOKS SO NO COMMENTS ' EDWARD IS BETTER ' OR ANYTHING PLEASE ) I wanted to use this part of the book because of the pain and how torn she is. Anyways my comparison is that Jacob's love is like how God's is for us , he wants us despite how broken we are and to fix us . The love bella has for edward can be compared to how we feel pulled to our own desires. The control we think we have over our lives, the friends that we could lose , the secret sins we enjoy and don't want to give up. We worry if we can givei t up, how it wouldn't be fair to God if we couldn't. ( which in reality our flesh will always be a part of us so we will always mess up , we just need to come back to God for forgiveness)
And now a prayer I wrote a few nights ago.
Lord how you love me is so great. , so amazing. I don't know how you do it. I wish I could . Oh I konw what you made me , but LORD, how could you as a human with ' no beauty or majesty that would draw us to you' ,how much more ordinary am I ( And you see us so much better , how bad we really are!) how much more more unloveable am I, a sinner. LORD I can understand a hair of a drop , no a molecule of a drop, and that drop is in the ocean. Like how a mother loves her child. He causes her pain , so much pain LORD. He is ugly after he comes out of the womb, yet a mother would do just about anything for that baby , she doesn't think of it as ugly ( or am I wrong?) yet I understand why you would want to be loved but you know there is so much pain , you knew about . I'm pretty positive I couldn't do that. . I don't know why or how you love me for sure . I don't think I can really comprehend it. I do know when: from the beginning you loved me and I'm asking a different one , I understood the answer to the question What now? To love the LORD my God with all my heart , stength and mind . I can't do it I don't know why yet you love me anyways... So I want to try - Barbara Harper p.s. I love you.
I just want to add again LORD you're so amazing you know we will hurt you, you know at times we will love you then for some crazy reason we get distracted and put that before you. What you deserve for giving your life for us , our love and trying to thank you and live for you we can't even give you that. So I still don't know why you love me and I know I'll fail but I want to try and love you help me do that LORD.
I have an idea now .. I'm going to make a blog just for writing about God's love. oh and you should listen to the song ' the way you love me ' by ZoeGirls it's an amazing song.
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