things change....

Well ... I got fired.

For the 1st time . Ever. And it sucks. Stupid mistakes. It could have been prevented. Honestly I cried the whole way home. My parents were really sweet about it. And my family and friends of course. I really appreciate my friends . They are awesome. :-) one i haven't talked to in a long while asked if i needed to talk and that was cool.

But things stayed the same i still am fired and so back on job hunt.. thankfully I have a bit of work will be working 5 hours per week starting this week. Wed mornings and saturday nights at least it is something. I am trying to network and we shall see if anything comes of that... so we shall see..

it's taken it's toll..

Well in a few weeks a loot has changed. a lot. 1st off.. I got a job. I am very happy I got a job. And though a bit further then i wish , especially with split shifts so going twice a day but .. no uniform clocking in or out, i can eat food I eat breakfast with them a lot, read if kids are busy with stuff just gotta keep an eye on them. the problem? it's just taking a toll on it i wonder if i can handle it. i want to take a nap for a few hours now but i can't. i need to get to bed earlier. the toll of making sure we're not late if we are costs me more gas, making sure everything gets done , plus school choir and i feel guilty i am not at home at much and can't do as many chores or anything with my parents. and if i come home though sometimes it's not for long and it takes more gas . uggh. plus i realized too late i could have kept one job at a church wednesday mornings .

i worked there few years not sure if i should call them and do it still or should i just take the time and not idk if it would be worth it . so that is what i have going on. plus i am considering going to a different college group but am not sure. Twice they have left without me . sometimes talking with people is ok but more often it is awkward small talk or silence listening to most of the older people who have full time jobs and have finished school talk about stuff who've known each other for a long time. so that's me. might try and take a catnap then go get starbucks on way to work and maybe write or read before kids come. and then will try and keep us all from killing each other. if that's been accomplished it's been a good day right? well ok maybe not.. but i'm doing the best that I can.

How long?

ugh. Just sort of need to vent. But I just wonder how long I can take it.

How long my parents can take paying for my insurance

for my food

for me to stay here.

How long I can take my tape to play my ipod in my car messing up. My cd player playing same cds because not like normal cars my cd player is in the back and sometimes it messes up too and it's annoying.

How long I can take being alone , only watching tv or reading most of the time.

How long can I take just waiting and looking.. waiting and looking for work.

I don't know. I know just me not very long. I need help. For now . Going to have russian tea and soak my feet and maybe use my heat pack. might get massager later . We shall see.

So had a good christmas honestly watched a lot of lincoln heights wildfire and now i don't know but i'm really into pretty little liars i got the 1st book at the library . it is a new year now and things really are different kay is married and moved out now. it was a nice wedding. i've babysat a lot which has been good. i like having the freedom and trust from my parents. some parents might worry telling them gonna babysit till late. so yeah lately been readying. not much going on .